


Home For The Holidays

by DarkWolf3030



Series: Life As We Know Hamilton AU [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Christmas, Fluff, John is a cinnamon roll, M/M, alex is a loser, christmas break, home for the holidays, smut?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-05 21:36:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12802881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkWolf3030/pseuds/DarkWolf3030
Summary: John drags his boyfriend of three years with him back to his childhood home in South Carolina to face his family for the holidays.I will update the tags with the chapters! Summary sucks I know.





	1. Christmas plans

There are lots of things I can't say no to when it comes to Alex, and right now his mouth was that thing. My body was a collage of bite marks and hickeys trailing down my chest and stomach as a withered underneath the other man. 

“B-babe slow down” I groaned as he moved even lower, pulling on my sweatpants.

“No” he growled back. “I don't get to see you for two fucking weeks, I at least want this.” This was a true statement. At the moment he was pouting over me going to see my family in South Carolina for winter break. 

“I'll be back soon.” 

He buried his head in my shoulder and dark curls. “It's still too long. I'm going to miss you too much.”

“Then why don't you just come with me.”

“You know why john. Your family hates me!”

“They don't hate you.”

“Yes, they do.”

“No, they don't.” I pushed him up and flipped us so that I was on top of him. I pinned him down to the bed to get a good look at his face that was already blushing. His dark hair was pulled back into a sloppy ponytail, his even darker eyes refused to meet mine.

“Where did you even get that idea, Mr. Hamilton? You've only met them once.”

“If you must know Mr. Laurens, I got it from that very day where all your father would do is glare at me. And your siblings were no help. If I recall the only nice person was your mother.”

“My father doesn't take well to strangers, and for my siblings, they are all assholes. You should have guessed that.” He rolled his eyes at me. “All I'm saying is if you will miss me so bad why not just come with me?”

“Even if I wanted to come it's too late. You're driving down there tomorrow.”

“Well actually...I might have along the way not told them I wasn't bringing you.” 

“That was a double negative.”

“...So…”

“I have to go then. They'll be expecting me to come with you.”

I stayed quiet, bitting my cheek and pursing my lips.

“You Mr. Lauren's have messed up.”

“What! Is it so wrong for me to want my boyfriend with me!”

“Your father is homophobic, John! Not to mention almost all of your extended family that will be there and I'm pretty sure two of your siblings have it out for me!”

“Which is why I can't do this alone,” I whimpered feeling tears sting my eyes. “I've had to fight them off every Christmas alone. Don't make me do it again.”

He softened, sitting up he pulled me to him holding me against his bare chest. “Don't cry. Don't cry. I will come with you just please don't cry.” 

“Really? Youll really come?”

“Yes. John if this means this much to you then I will be there. If anything means this much to you then I will always be there.”

“Thank you,” I smiled wrapping my arms around his neck so I could kiss him. He smiled into the kiss as well. He moved to straddle me once more pushing me back against the bed. I felt his hot breath on my neck and heard him say, “well if we are going to be in a house full of people for the next to weeks might as well get it out of our systems.”

I grinned at his words. “Might as well,” I agreed.

\---

We both woke up to my alarm clock. Well, i woke up. He had been up for a few hours on the damn laptop in the kitchen doing a paper for next term. I could hear the keys typing away slowly driving me into madness. I pushed myself up and stumbled into the living room.

“Morning,” I yawned. 

He turned in his swivel chair at the bar, stopping his clacking on his keyboard and grinned. “Morning.”

“Whats with the look,” I questioned with a raised eyebrow as I poured myself a cup of coffee.

“Oh, nothing just admiring all the hickeys I left.” I looked down and choked. So. many. Hickeys. I set my cup down and sped off to the bathroom to assess the damage he had done on my skin. 

“Dammit Alex,” I yelled not even caring about what the neighbors must think of someone screaming curses at four in the morning. There were love bites and deep purple bruises all up and down my torso and thighs. I normally wouldn't care, but he had forgotten to control himself and there were now dark marks on my neck.

“I think you look great,” he purred sauntering in and wrapping his arms around my waist.

“My family isn't going to think the same!”

“Just put on some makeup if you're so worried.”

“We're going to be in a car for 11 hours Mr. Hamilton. Any makeup I wear is going to rub right off.”

“Hmm. that really sucks for you, Mr. Laurens.” He planted a kiss on the junction of my neck with a satisfied smile. Our eyes met in the mirror.

“You, Mr. Hamilton, are going to be the death of me.”

“I certainly hope not my dear Mr. Laurens.”

\--- 

My coffee was cold by the time I put on my makeup and packed our bags. I had to force Alex to pack more than two changes of clothes and his laptop though I wasn't surprised when he asked if we could pack our coffee machine. 

We got on the road at six thirty and started the long track to my parent's house which is actually more of a manor. A whole sixty-three acre of land that is used for ranching. Alex was excited to see the land that I had talked about for hours on end and I was excited for him to see my childhood home. It would also do him some good to get some fresh air. He doesn't go out much unless it was for a lecture or to get a bagel. 

He had volunteered to drive for a few hours and I told him to get in the passenger seat.

“Alex you've been awake since two o'clock,” I argued. “You can drive later for now just sleep.”

“Fine,” he grumbled giving in with a quick peck on my cheek. After a quick stop for more coffee, we were on a high way to start our track. My stomach was in knots. I hadn't seen my family since the last Christmas. I had gone alone while Alex went to his foster parents, George and Martha Washington's, for the holidays. I had declined their invitation to tag along because I knew I need to see my family. What a mistake that was. 

My family was alright when they were alone but all together they were monsters bent on passive aggressively tearing each other apart from the inside out. But they were great...or I should say they have their moments. My biggest worry this year is Alex. He wasn't exactly calm or good with people he has a tendency to blow up over things he is passionate about. He could be short-tempered and argumentative which is a problem because so is every damn person in my family. 

God, I hope shit didn't hit the fan too fast.


	2. The Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Alex get to John's parent's house after several anxious hours of waiting.

I could see it, plain as day. The closer we got to South Carolina the jumpier John got. I took over driving at the six-hour mark when I woke up and saw that he was gripping the steering wheel so tight his knuckles were white. I didn't know what it was all about. I knew he had problems here and there with his family but I thought he would be happy not so frightened. 

He wouldn't go to sleep he just scrolled through his phone shaking. I didn't see why he wouldn't just give in and stay with me at our apartment. We could have gone and seen our friends or seen a play, i8 would be up for anything but going to South Carolina. I knew he missed his family but I had my reasons for not wanting to go. I looked to my backpack in the back seat from the rearview mirror and then to my boyfriend with a longing gaze. As much as I wanted to think about the things I had planned, it was not the time. My John needed me.

I paused my music with a quick touch of a button. he looked his eyebrows knit together with dissatisfaction. “I liked that song,” he complained. 

I stole a glance at him before returning my eyes to the road. “What's wrong,” I asked ignoring what he had said a focused more on his actions.

“I don't know what you're talking about,” he responded while nervously bouncing his leg up and down. 

“You're a wreck,” I observed

“I'm just excited,” he countered leaning his head against the window.

“Mr. Laurens, excited people don't look like they are waiting for death.”

“You seem to forget Mr. Hamilton that I know my emotions.”

“And you forget that I know you like I know my own mind.”

“Which is always a mess.”

“Organised chaos, but you my Laurens are not chaos.”

“Then what am I, dear Hamilton”

“You are my anchor that is never this anxious.”

He looked down to his lap. “Fine,” he sighed. “Fine, it's just going to see my father and older relatives. They haven't always been kind to me, or ever really. And it's not like I don't love them, I do love them it's just they are overbearing, and think I've messed up and they know I'm gay and t-that you're my boyfriend so this can't be very easy and this won't be easy. Oh god, this is going to last Christmas all over again.” His voice broke as he rambled on. He was past my ability of intervention. “I don't want it to be like last year. Maybe we should just go home! Yeah, that's what we should do! I'll just call my father-”

I took his phone from him before he could turn it on. “No. John, you committed to this. We are going and we are going to show them, you are going to show them that you are above their hate. You are so strong my dear Laurens. You can do this.”

I considered pulling over as he sat in his seat, his arms pulled tightly to his sides and his legs pressed together. He was compacted down, he looked so small. Tears trailed down his tan skin and I pulled off to the shoulder of the road. I leaned uncomfortably over the middle of the car to smooth my hand down his arm and wipe away his tears with my other hand. “Hey, hey,”I hushed. Kissing his forehead. “It's okay. if you really want to go back home-”

“No, you're right. I told them I would go and I can't back down because I'm afraid.”

“I'm proud of you.” I kissed his cheek. “I will be with you every step of the way.”

“Promise?”

“Promise, I won't leave you my Laurens. I love you.” 

He gave me a weak smile in return. “I love you too my Hamilton.”

I pulled myself back into my seat properly. “So you want to tell me what happened last Christmas?”

“Oh that… i-my...my father and I got into a fight. It ended with me leaving early. That's why I stayed those three days with Laf and Herc before you got back.”

“How bad was the fight?”

 

“Not that bad. We slammed a few things, he broke a cup.”

“Are you sure it wasn't that bad? He didn't hurt you did he because I will-”

“It's fine Alex,” he gave me a warm smile. I could still see tears in the corner of his eyes and a few drying on his beautifully freckled face. 

“Okay. I'll take your word for it.”

He reached over and turned back on the music and checked the time. 

“Two more hours,” he practically whispered. 

“Two more hours,” I said back. “You can do this.”

“I can do this.”

\---

Watching him practically bounce off the walls was starting to drive me insane and when we pulled up the gravel road leading to his parent's house I was afraid his seatbelt was going to snap from him pulling on it so hard. I could hear his heart stop when I parked the car. 

“This was a mistake,” he whispered. I silently agreed with him. The house itself was intimidating. It was tall, at least three stories, made of red brick and a dark wooden porch. There were high rises and the front door was in a keystone arch. There were two chimneys and from what I could see on this side of the house there were two balconies, all on the third floor. I could see rolling hills of farmlands of soft looking grass and cattail and more cows than I wanted to count right now.

“This is fine John. We just go in and do this. Alright? Are you okay?”

He took a steadying breath and opened his eyes that had been closed for the last minute or so. “Yeah, this is fine.”

I nodded my head and moved to get out. He stopped me with a hand on my arm.

“W-wait. One last kiss, please? Before this, all starts?”

“Your wish is my command.” That made him at least smile a little. I brushed my hand over my cheek and set the other on the small of his back to offer a type of comfort. It wasn't a quick kiss, he drew it out. Buying time as I saw it. He finally pulled back, our foreheads pushed against each other as we took a few breaths. 

“I'm ready,” he announced in an almost whisper. I gave him one last peck on the lips. 

“Good because your mother is on her way out.”

“Shit.” He looked across the lawn to his giddy mother that was making her way over to our car. She was a short plump woman with dark curly hair like John’s. She was followed by a big old yellow lab with quite a stomach on him. The let out a yodle of a bark as it trotted to keep up.

“Oh, Rosy quite it,” the woman drawled with a southern accent that sound sort of like the one John had when I first met him that was now fading from his time in new york. 

John threw open his door to greet her half way. “Mama,” he cried wrapping her up in a hug. 

“My johnny-boy. How are you? How was your trip?”

“I'm good mama the trip was okay for eleven hours in a car.”

“Did you drive it all yourself?” She did a double take as I stepped out. I shifted my feet trying not to look as out of place as I felt.

“Uh, mama,” John said. “This is Alex my-”

“Boyfriend,” she laughed, pulling me into a hug with the same friendliness she did her own son. “Yes I remember Alex. It's been two years now hasn't it?” She asked once we had pulled apart.

“Yes, ma'am it has.”

“Still so polite. Well, come on then. Martha and Henry jr are already here. The rest of the family will be coming soon. Hopefully, that will give you time to adjust Alex. Get your bags. Get your bags,” she prompted pushing john in the direction of the back. The dog danced around us. I pressed myself up against the side of the car and held my breath as it advanced. 

“Rosy, no,” John yelled tugging her away by her collar. “Sorry Alex,” he apologized. “I should have warned you about the dogs.”

“Afraid of dogs huh,” a tall man sneered. He had freckles, faded one, like John. His hair was short cut and his mustache as well. I recognized him for johns photos. His father. 

“I don't enjoy them,” I shot back working back my confidence as John pulled rosy away.

“I never trust a man who dogs don't trust. Dogs know best.” 

“Funny, I don't trust men who-”

“Alex,” John cut me off through gritted teeth. “Can you please get the bags from the back.” He shot me a look that shut me up but just because I loved him so much I moved on from his father and got our bags which was more one duffle bag and my laptop bag. We packed our clothing and other things in one seeing as I will just wear John's sweaters and other clothing items. He argued that it would be inappropriate in this situation and I shot back that I hoped they were all uncomfortable and he just rolled his eyes and let me do it. 

“That's it,” his mother, Eleanor, questioned.

“Alex is a minimalist,” John joked. “He was originally just going to bring his laptop.”

“It's for school.”

“Alex, the term just ended,” he scolded

“That doesn't mean I can't start on next term's work,” I grinned

“You are going to die typing on that damn thing.”

“Only if I'm lucky,” I sang

Eleanor giggled, “aren't you two just adorable. I'll show you, boys, inside. John can take you to the room you're staying in. of course, I didn't think you were coming Alex but it's fine john’s room has a queen anyway so I'm sure you'll have plenty of room.” She said all of that in one breath which was quite impressive. Now I could see how John did it so well when he lectured me.

“Sure,” Henry growled. “Eleanor, maybe Alex would feel better saying in a separate room.”

“I think I'll feel just fine staying with John.”

John looked at me and his father before stepping in. “come on Alex, let's go in.” I stayed on John's right side as we walked to distance myself from the dog jogging beside Eleanor and to also stay as far away from Henry as I could. I had hated him just as much as the first time I met him.

The inside of the house was something straight out of a country home magazine. there were dark polished furniture and deer heads on the wall, vases of flowers and wood floors. I felt my stomach feel with dread when I saw all the dog leashes and collars hanging on hooks on the wall. They were all very large collars and the barks I heard confirmed that these dogs were not small.

“Ay, there Johnny,’ a yell erupted. John was snatched from beside me and into a headlock from a boy about his size. Henry Jr definitely. I kept myself from rescuing him and instead took a video. 

“I swear if you send that to the group chat,” John shouted struggling to get free. “Don't you dare Alexander.”

I snickered and sent it before pocketing my phone to hide it from him. He had finally gotten free from his brother just to be grabbed by his blonde haired sister and dragged into a hug.

“Well, if it isn't johnny bug.” I snorted and loved the look I got for it.

“Who's this kid,” Jr asked nodding to me while leaning against his younger brother.

“This is my boyfriend, Alex.”

“Oh yeah I remember you,” Martha nodded her head. She too was leaning against John. “We met you in new york at that one restaurant.”

“About two years ago,” Jr added. “How have you been,” he asked his brother.

“Good. I've been good. I have good grades in school and I've made friends in my years in new york.” I could tell he was on the verge of another nervous ramble.

“That's good,” Martha cheered clamping him softly on the shoulder. “You have a boyfriend and everything. My johnny bug is doing so well.”

“After all the money I paid for him to go to school I would hope so. Henry added coldly. “Though I did hope that I would meet a girlfriend this year.”

 

“Is that so,” I started.

 

“It's been a long trip,” John broke in again. “Were both tired. I think we’ll turn in for the night.” He pulled me by the strap of my laptop bag.

“But you haven't had supper yet,” his mother protested.

“We ate on our way here,” he lied. 

“Alright,” his mother sighed. “I'll see you two bright an’ early.”

“Okay, mama. good night.” He led me away down a hallway and up a staircase to the third floor and finally into a beautiful room that I could tell it was John’s. Two walls facing each other were dark green and the other two were black. The bedspread matched the walls. The color matches were his favorite. There was another room with the door just slightly ajar. On the inside, i could see a full bathroom with golden light coming from a window. It was gorgeous.

“What the hell Hamilton!” he hissed once the door was, for the most part, slammed shut.

“What!” 

“Can you not argue with my father.”

“When he can act like he doesn't hate my guts!”

“He doesn't hate you!”

“Oh that's right he just hates the idea of me! Of the idea of us!”

“It's just going to take so getting used to!” He took the bags from me and put them on the bed. Even in his rage, he was still gentle with my laptop.

“I'm sorry. I know this isn't how you wanted this to go but I'll try alright. I will try. Ill zip my mouth. I'll be quiet.”

“Don't do that. You're not my Hamilton if you're aren't talking non-stop.”

“You don't want me to be quiet?”

“Not if it means you aren't you. We are going to be here for two whole weeks. I'm not going to make you suffer just so my dad can walk all over you. Just try to tone it down alright?”

“Tone it down. I can do that.”

He gave me one of those smiles that made me melt on the inside. “Thank you, Mr. Hamilton.”

“Anything for you Mr. Laurens.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was the second chapter. I tried to make it longer, also as much as I love my son there is no way in hell I am looking for his extended family ( if it's even documented) so I will be making up names and stuff so be ready for that.


	3. Lights Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John sees just how much self-control Alex has.

I didn't wake up to sunlight like I was used to in my small apartment, or cars, or the amazing sounds of the city still in full swing after the restless night. I didn't wake up to Alex typing and the coffee machines grumble as he made another cup. No, what woke me up was the silence of my room, the crickets, cow moos from the field and dog barks. For a second, one terrifying second, I had feared that I was a kid again. That I had imagined Alex’s smile, and laugh. I actually felt my heartbeat pick up because a thump made me want to cower and pray that my father wasn't outside my door, drunk, angry. The world I knew came back when I felt movement beside me and Alex’s signature “ I can't sleep” sigh. I rolled over pulling blankets with me. Alex was already sitting up and leaning over to get his laptop that sat on his nightstand.

“No,” I grumbled wiggling as best as I could into his lap. “Sleep.”

He looked down out me, “I've been trying.” He shifted, laying back down. He dragged me to him. “It's too quiet” he murmured against my chest. 

I ran my fingers through his hair trying to cope with the deafening silence that I had convinced myself was just that, silence. Alex was here and that meant my father wasn't going to hurt me, nobody could ever hurt me again, maybe. I looked over to the inky black lump that was my duffle bag. I could turn that maybe into forever.

“It's too quiet,” he repeated his voice faint, out into the open space

“It is,” I agreed. “But we still need to sleep,” I told him kissing his temple as he moved again to put his head right over my heart. My heart that was no longer rapidly pounding but beating softly for him.

\---

I Stretched the next morning my mouth in an open yawn. It was then that I noticed the absence of one Mr. Hamilton. I sat up but couldn't see anything in the darkness.

“Alex?”

There was no answer. I forced myself up and awake. The awake part wasn't too hard when I started thinking of everything he could be getting himself into. I grabbed a shirt that was on the floor, not caring to check if it was actually mine or not. 

I made my way down to the loudest source of sound in the house and that was the clanking of dishes in the kitchen. I felt relief flood through me as i saw him safe and sound with my mother. I took a second to admire him in my childhood home, he looked at peace in this moment. He was laughing a full body laugh as my mother danced around making some kind of food for breakfast. The food was not my priority.

“What are you staring at,” Alex questioned a smile still on his face.

I felt heat rush to my cheeks. “What are you guys talking about,” I asked courtesy.

“I told your boyfriend here about you in elementary school.” my, mother didn't realize what my friends would do to me if Alex released any information.

“Why,” I choked

“Because I saw that marvelous hand turkey you mother has in the fridge,” he mocked. I didn't think it was possible for me to blush any harder.

“What else did you tell him,” I questioned my mother as she passed me to go to the very fridge that had my Turkey day arts and crafts hanging up.

“She told me about you learning to ride horses.”

“Your first day of middle school,” my mother told me

“Your first crush,” Alex continued

“Your first girlfriend.”

“And boyfriend”

“You and your siblings. I told him all about how you guys used to put on those cute little plays.”

“What has to be my favorite is the story of you on prom night.”

“Mama!”

“What! it's in the past Johnny.” She left to go into the kitchen with a plate of pancakes, and other things to set the table. 

“Traitor,” I glared at him.

“My poor Laurens. I didn't think you were a convict.”

“It was holding! I was there for like two hours!” He grinned, a hand on my hip. I refused to look him in the eye but had to fight to keep a smile at bay. “So then Hamilton. What else did she tell you?”

“Where the photo albums are.”

I turned full face towards him. “You wouldn't dare.”

“Check the group chat.”

“You're a monster.”

“But I'm your monster.”

I was smiling, what else could I do when it was Alex's hand on my hip, Alex's lips almost on mine, Alex's teasing. Then I remembered where I was. That we were not at our apartment or even in my room. 

“Alex,” I whispered turning my head so our lips weren't so close. He let out a huff but did back up, although his hand was still on my hip. “I don't want anyone to see.”

“I know, I know.” With a pout, he moved all the way back giving me space, just in time too for my brother and sister to come marching down from the second floor. 

“Good morning Children,” mother cooed

“Morning mama,” they both responded rubbing their eye to get rid of the last of sleep in them.

“Everyone to the table,” mother clapped.

“Wheres father,” Jr questioned going with everyone to the other room. 

“Your father is still getting dressed.”

“Like all of you should be doing after breakfast,” my father instructed coming in, rosy and Dingo, our Australian cattle dog, behind him. Dingo barked at the sight of a newcomer and I had to practically keep Alex from jumping and running. 

“Heel,” I commanded the dogs. “Sit. Stay.” The dogs followed each and every command with ease.

“Good to know that New York hasn't tarnished your roots Johnny-boy.” That was probably the proudest my father has ever been of me. He seemed calm, Alex, on the other hand, was digging his nails into my arm and glancing at the dogs while we all ate. When we were done he still didn't let up but did keep polite conversation with my siblings despite it.

“Come on you three,” my father told my siblings and me. “We have work to do.”

“What about Alex,” my mother asked

“He's a city slick he knows nothing-”

“Actually I was raised on a farm in Virginia. I've only lived in new york a few years.” I think my mother actually looked a little smug which perfectly showed what I felt. “I'm sure whatever you do here I've been taught to do.”

My father sized him up for a brief second. “I don't believe that someone of your stature-”

“I believe that,” he faltered in his argument. It was in a kind of way that I would catch it. He doesn't stop in an argument, he doesn't catch his breath or think of what he is going to say but he, for some reason, did. “I don't believe that you have seen me do it yet.” He was capable of so much more. I had seen him tear professors to pieces but this...he was doing it for me. He was pulling his punches. I loved this idiot.

“I don't need to see you do it. We have plenty of hands. You can stay inside and do dishes.” that was it, or I thought it would be but he was still calm and collected. It was actually not him that spoke next.

“Alex could be a great help,” Martha butted in. “It took us three forever yesterday to handle the animals without John.”

“One more will be enough without having to bring the spare.”

“I think Alex should go too,” Jr added. “I need someone to help me move the goats into the pasture.”

“It's all settled then,” Mama smiled not give my father anytime to say another word. “Go get ready children. Your aunt and cousins are supposed to be arriving today and I want all the chores done by the time they get here.”

“Yes mama”

“Yes Ma’am”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys, i know my summaries suck, sorry for that. this chapter is short but I wanted to get something out there for yall since I am sick and can't focus too long.


	4. Cold Feet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex has his own freakout

I loved John. I loved him so much but damn I was not going to sleep. He was passed out already, snoring softly. I waited till I could see a sliver of sun through the tightly shut blinds before I got up. I had been uneasy all night and therefore had not slept and I wasn't going to till I got closure. I grabbed my phone and left the room pulling on a jacket my keys in the pocket. I stopped before I left the room and dug through my laptop bag. I shoved a small box into the other pocket. I dialed a number on my phone when I got to the kitchen and made a call.

“Alexander Hamilton, you had better explain why in the hell you are calling me at six in the morning,” Angelica said instead of a greeting when she picked up.

“It's John,” I crocked

“God, you sound horrible. Is everything alright?”

“No. I mean yes. But no. I don't know.”

“What do you know?”

“That he has a loving family and I'm the asshole who wants to take him away from that.”

“Dear god Alex you've been there one day.”

“Not even and that's the problem. It doesn't even take a full 24 hours for me to regret going out with him.”

“Alex!” 

“Sorry I said that wrong. I love him angelica. I love him so much. But he has this great family. You should see them and this house and if he could just marry a sweet girl he could have his entire life set out for him. But no I had to, no, I got to meet him. I got him to go out with me. Hell, i was his first kiss and by some miracle I got him to say I love you.”

“So what is this all about?”

“He was happy last night. When he saw his mother when he roughhoused with his siblings. I'm afraid he is going to realize that any life is better than a life with me. I'm afraid I'm not going to get lucky again. I'm afraid he won't say yes one last time.”

“You're getting cold feet Alex. This happens.”

“I don't want him to leave me.”

“He's not going to leave you. Dammit, alex pull yourself together. John Laurens loves you, a lot. Now quit your worrying.”

“You're right. You're right. It's just pre-show jitters.”

“Something like that.”

“Thanks, angelica.”

“You're welcome.” 

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

I ran my hands through my hair and made the quick decision to put it up in a ponytail before calling the next person on my list Lafayette

“Mon Ami, it is very early.” I heard rustling in the background and Hercules mutter something. “What is wrong?”

“I talked to Angelica and now I have to talk to you about this. Do you think I'm rushing into this.”

“You have to more specific,” Herc said into the phone. “You rush into a lot of things.”

“Mon amour, I think he's talking about the John thing.” 

“Oh. That thing. What did Angelica say about it?”

“To stop being stupid,” I told them. “That I'm getting cold feet and that he loves me.”

“All true things,” Laf agreed. 

“It's not like John will turn you down Alex. The kid's head over heels for you. I swear it took me three hours to get him to shut up about you when he first met you. Then I couldn't sleep for a week when you guys stayed up texting.”

“Hard times indeed,” laf laughed. “Alex too wouldn't stop his chatter.”

“Being roommates with you love sick puppies were difficult and now it's time for you to Eliza up and tell him how you feel.”

I gripped the box in my pocket. “Later,” I responded. “I will later. I want to see how this will all go.”

“Did i just here Alexander Hamilton says he is going to wait for it,” Herc barked a laugh. 

“It is odd,” laf chuckled. “You sound like Aaron.”

“Maybe the man is onto something. He did win over Theo didn't he?” I asked in all seriousness 

“Whatever you do Alex,” Herc said. “Don't blow this. If you hurt John I will hurt you.”

“If I hurt john I'll probably do the job for you. I need to go. Before John wakes up. I'll talk to you later.”

“jusqu'à plus tard,” with a beep the phone call was over. I had three opinions now. All of them telling me I was being an idiot but then again when wasn't I?

“It seems you have a hard decision to make.” I almost jumped out of my skin. I knocked into the fridge turning around to face the owner of the voice.

“I didn't mean to startle you,” Eleanor aroused me rushing over to help me regain my balance before I knocked over something. 

“How much of that did you hear?”

“Everything. I was in the living room when I heard you come down. I wanted to make sure you were alright.”

“You must think I'm a terrible person.”

“No, no Alex not at all.” She cupped my face in her hands which alone made me want to cry. She reminded me so much of my mother. “John will say yes.”

“How do you know,” I sniffled trying to blink back tears.

“A mother just knows especially when it comes to johnny. He's been an open book since he was little. I remember that it was so easy to tell when he started crushing on someone because his ears would go red when they looked at him. Or it's easy to tell that he is upset when he-”

“-Grinds his teeth and looks anywhere but at you.” 

“Looks like you know what you're doing,” she smiled, moving from me to the stove.

“I have been with him for three years, I would hope I would pick up something.” I stepped aside so she could get into the fridge. I watched her, the way she moved was like John when he was sucked into an activity and I didn't miss the way she hummed either. They were very alike.

“You are a good kid Alex, I really like you.”

“Why? your husband doesn't feel the same way.”

“My husband is an idiot. You are perfect for John, but it will take time for him to overcome his way of thinking.”

“Did you have to change your beliefs?”

“Are you talking about when John came out?” I nodded my head. She thought for a second. “Okay I'll admit I wasn't to open to the idea but he is my baby. I love him. It didn't matter what he was as long as he was who he wanted to be.

“You have to be one of the best people I have ever met. John was lucky to have a mom like you.”

“I'm glad you think so but he wouldn't for very long.”

“Why,” I asked narrowing my eyes as the gleam in hers grew.

“I love my boy but I also love being a parent and part of being a parent involves embarrassing them.”

“Sweet Jesus tell me everything,” I grinned. 

\---

That morning left me sore in muscles that I hadn't used since I left for college. My foster father and mother who I call with pride mom and dad had raised me to be fit and able to help with physical labor but damn a diet of ramen noodles and coffee had destroyed that.

“Tired yet,” Jr panted trying to catch his breath after we had rounded up all the goats.

“Not even a little,” I lied. Yes, i was tired but I also had something to prove. 

“You're one tough kid, Ham.”

“Ham?”

“You deserve a nickname. Everyone has one. Martha is Mart. I'm Jr. you've heard all of John's names. I won't even get into all the others you'll just have to wait and see.” 

“So I get the lucky title of Ham?”

“You're family aren't you? Family embarrassed family.” He winked at me.

“Sure,” I answered absently. Did he hear the conversation I had this morning? Did Martha hear? Was I just going insane?

“No need to look so pale Ham. It's all fine. My mother right though. He does love you.”

“So you were eavesdropping?”

“No more than my mother was. All I wanted was some water but instead, I got to hear the heartfelt conversation.”

“Did Martha hear?”

“No, or at least I don't think so.” He placed his hand on my shoulder. “You two are cute together. You'll go far, kid.”

“Gee thanks jr.”

He clicked his tongue. “No prob Ham. let's get going before my father thinks that we couldn't handle the goats with no dogs.”

\---

“John! Alex! Come downstairs your cousins are here,” Eleanor called up to us.

“Do you think this is worth it,” John whispered, he was looking through a crack in the door.

“We made a promise to your mother that we would be on our best behavior.”

“Alex they are children. You hate children.”

“She threatened not to feed us if we didn't show. I don't know about you but that roast looks amazing.”

“You can smell all the spices.”

“We have to Mr. Laurens.” I took his hand in mine, kissing him on the cheek one last time. “For our stomachs.”

He pretended to wipe away a fake tear. “For our stomachs.” We broke apart and moved side by side to the kitchen. I could hear the shrill yells of children. The little monsters.

“There they are,” his mother noted. Her smile said happiness but her eyes reminded us of what's at stake if we put a toe out of line.

“Aunt Anna,” John greeted. “How nice to see you.” He hugged her awkwardly as she stared daggers my way.

“Anna this is Alex,” Eleanor waved a hand my direction.

“So you're the one who corrupted my little johnny.”

Damn these people wasted no time trying to rip into me.

“Anna that isn't how we greet people.” 

Anna turned her nose up. “Just try not to mess up my children.” She stalked away in search of those creatures she made.

“I promise Alex they aren't all like that. Johns uncle is very nice, he's my brother, she was married into the family.”

“I don't see how ” I stated. 

Eleanor rolled her eyes. “I will let you have that one jab young man but you two still need to be nice I will not let you fuel the flames. I will talk to her.” She patted my arm and John’s. “I'll be back,” she told us then disappeared in search of Anna.

“She lied,” John sighed. “They are almost all like that. Especially my father's side of the family.”

“And when are they getting here.”

“A lot of them are getting here tomorrow. Which is why we won't be here.”

“It seems you have forgotten to tell me something, Mr. Laurens.”

“What would that be dear Hamilton.”

“You forgot to clue me in on where we will be.”

“Oh but you see that is a surprise.”

“Is this going to be like yours and Laf’s surprise for Eliza's birthday? Where we got mugged in the Bronx?”

He shivered, “Hopefully not.”

“Then I am in. Did you ask your mom?”

“Hamilton we are adults.”

“Your mother controls whether we eat or not, Laurens.”

“She will be fine with it.”

“Alright, but I will not hesitate to say it was your idea.”

“I wouldn't expect anything less.” I wanted to kiss him. I would have if it wasn't for the house of homophobes. It wasn't my fault that his smile got me every time.

\--- 

Dinner was so quiet I could hear John stare at his plate. Anna hadn't let up off John and I since she stepped through the door and after what she said when she sat down it looked like she wasn't going to stop. 

“Shouldn't the dog eat on the floor,” she had sneered when Eleanor handed me my plate. The room fell silent even Henry looked shocked. “Anna,” her husband scolded.

“It's just a joke,” she said innocently 

I lost all my appetite after that. John clutched my hand tightly under the table that was one of the only things still keeping me sitting. I hated her but then again I would rather have her saying shit like that to me than to him. 

Her kids weren't any better. I had underestimated what they understood so I had to listen to them mock me amongst themselves. “That's enough,” Jr told them finally. “Let's go outside. All of you, and give the adults time to clean up.” John pulled me outside with them by my hand he didn't even seem to care that Anna and even Henry were red in the face after seeing the pda. 

Jr played football with the four children throwing the ball in a grassy field, why John and I sat on the porch. 

“I hate her John,” growled finally saying something. “I'm not going to let this continue. I'm going to talk to my mother and we will leave tomorrow.”

“It's fine.”

“How can you say that. She called you a dog Alex.”

“Like I haven't been called worse. If these people want to hurt me than they need to step up their game. Laurens, we aren't leaving. Not yet. You need to see your family.”

“Not if it means they are going to insult you.”

“If worse comes to worse I'll just barricade myself in your room.”

“I don't think mama will like that.”

“I can persuade her to see my way.”

“Sure,” he said disdainfully.

I snaked my arm around his shoulders. “I can. Stick with me and you'll see a whole new world.”

“Did you just quote Aladdin?”

“I like to think that it was a mix of lion king and Aladdin,”

“Your a dork,” he snorted

“Only when it comes to you.” 

“Sure. I won't talk to my mom about leaving but I will talk to her about letting you and me hide.”

“Why the both of us.”

“I don't want to face these monsters alone. They will tear me to bits Mr. Hamilton.”

“That would be an issue, dear Laurens. So about this place tomorrow…”

“I'm not telling you where.”

“Is it fun?”

“I think so.”

“Magical even?”

“If you squint.”

“Oh. Fancy.” 

He rolled his eyes. “You are the worst person to have a conversation with.”

“Funny you told me that when we first met but I remember you being a lot angrier while saying it.”

“That was because you were trying to mix coffee with Redbull in a lecture hall.” 

“It was a vision.”

“You had to be taken to the clinic by Laf.”

“I lived.”

“Barley.”

“See this is why you love me.”

“Sadly it is.”

\---

When they got tired of throwing a football and I got sick of mosquitoes we all headed in. thankfully Anna wasn't there and I was able to drag John with me into the kitchen.

“Eleanor you saint,” I praised. She had left my untouched plate on the counter with plastic wrap on it. “Your mom is amazing,” I told John with a mouth full of food. He was busy scrolling through his phone. 

“Herc is calling me the Lamb after you sent him my baby photos.”

“The lamb costume was an amazing touch. It makes you look even cuter.”

“Oh look Peggy put the picture of me holding a duck on Instagram. Eliza says I'm a Disney princess now.”

“I love that picture. You in overalls. You were a cute kid.”

“You, Mr. Hamilton, are digging yourself a hole.”

“Wait until you check my Instagram,” I mused

After he tapped a few things he looked up with a forced smile. “I hope you like sleeping on the couch.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay first off my transitions are trash and so is this chapter but I honestly was making this fic for the fluff so there's that. also, the next chapter might not come out for a few days because of that hell hole called school so cherish this one. 
> 
> second thing is that you people need to loom up Mandy Harvey's song "try" its good.
> 
> aight that's all


	5. A Little Magical

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John chokes up and Alex is a little shit.

I shifted my leg above Alex's as he slept on. I had forced him to sleep on the couch after I deleted every picture he posted. I gave in halfway through the night, I couldn't stand sleeping without him. He gladly went with me back up to our room where I slept wrapped up in his arms and all the blankets he kicks off in the night.

I could see the light orange light of the sun rising into the early morning sky. After I put Alex out I went to mother and told her about where I was going today and she agreed it would be good. I was stealing Alex and taking him to the give of trees where I would play as a young child. A schoolhouse from long ago still stands on the property and is the one thing that keeps it from being used as a Walmart parking lot. 

I moved up just slightly to kiss his chin, all the way to his jaw. He wiggled a little. “Don't you dare wake me up.”

“Excuse you. Do you want to go back to the couch?”

“No...I love you,” he offered opening his eyes just a little to look down at me. His smile was sweet and sleepy till he saw the time and the corners of his mouth dropped. “Laurens my darling part of break is being able to sleep in.”

“If we wake up early we can get out of here before my father's family gets here.”

“Can't we just lay here,” he whined. Pulling me closer. I'm sure we can find something to do. He stressed something and placed and a soft kiss on the skin under my ear.

“If that's what you want then you can help yourself, alone. I have something planned for today.”

“Right, that magical secret trip.”

“You'll like it.”

“If you planned it then I'm bound to love it.” He nuzzled his nose into my cheek.

“You, my dear Hamilton, are a sap.”

“Only for the best and you, Mr. Laurens, are indeed the best.”

I patted his thigh, “such sweet words.” I pulled out and away from him as he groaned in protest. I stood up, taking pride in being the first one up for once in our relationship.

“John. Don't leave me here.”

I gently tossed a pillow onto his face that only made him groan louder. “Hush up, if my parents hear that they'll think we're having sex.”

He pulled the pillow off him and launched it back at me. “Who on gods green earth makes that sound during sex?”

I shrugged, throwing the pillow aside. “Geese?”

“Dying geese more like it.” He sat up to twist his back and picked up his shirt from the floor that he had thrown down there when I had brought him back to the room. Once he was done he stilled and watched me as I pulled off my sweatpants aware that I had an audience wearing a stupid smirk. I rummaged through my bag which I still hadn't unpacked seeing as Alex would get the clothing all over the clean floor.

“Looking good there Laurens,” he purred. I felt heat rush to my face in embarrassment. I could feel his eyes rake over my nearly nude body.

“Don't you start,” I told him sternly pushing down the quiesce feeling those eyes give me. I wiggled into a pair of jeans and shirt then turned back to him. He was still lounging on the bed his eyes locked on me. “I know that look Mr. Hamilton and it's not happening.”

“But Lauren's It's been so long-”

“It's been like two days or did you forget the night before we came up here you spent three hours on teasing me.”

“You loved it.”

“Shut up and get dressed.” I had to hide the effect that, that look had on me. The ways his eyes got when he was turned on was predatory. He jaw slightly open and chest rising and falling. If I teased him enough I could hear sharp intakes of breath and on lucky days I could get him to beg a little before he takes what he wants but now, in a house full of my relatives, was not the time.

I felt his hand drag across the soft skin on my hip as he stood, pulling me closer. His lips connected with the line of my jaw. 

“N-no hickeys, t-they will notice. Alex!” I wanted to say his name with the force I wanted to but it came out breathless. Thankfully he didn't leave a hickey he moved up to capture my lips. He swallowed every sound I wanted to make as his hands explored the area under the clothing I had just put on. Just as soon as he started he moved away from me leaving me cold.

“What are you-”

“You said you wanted to leave before your family got here, right,” he said innocently batting his eyelashes. “Don't you think we should get going?”

I took me a second to calm my breathing. I could see what he was doing here. “You right. If you would kindly get dressed Mr. Hamilton then maybe we could get going.”

“Right away Mr. Laurens.” He got a change of clothes out of the bag while I checked that I had everything before we left. Keys, wallet and one other item one that I had stuffed into a pocket on the duffle bag where I kept my makeup. Alex didn't understand how it works so he left it alone. It was the perfect place to hid small boxes.

We climbed into Alex’s small dark green car moments later. I was behind the steering wheel trying to remember exactly how to get to the orchard.

“Problem,” he asked tearing his attention away from his phone. I could tell he was texting laf from all the words I couldn't understand. Alex and Lafayette had met in high school their senior year, laf was an exchange student and Alex was the only kid who could speak perfect French. 

“No, no,” i told him. “Just trying to remember something.” I pulled up the gravel road and away from the farmhouse. The sun was creeping up in the pale blue sky, the air sweet and heavy on my skin. The only thing stopping this beautiful morning was only several dark grey clouds.

“Looks like rain,” Alex commented looking out the window. “That won't be a problem will it?”

“We should be back before it starts.”

“If you say so.” He jumped as his phone buzzed and just like that he was sucked back into his phone. I didn't mind I was going over my inner monologue for what I will say. It seemed my inner Alex only said no. it must just be my anxiety. Usually to fix this negative thinking I would ask Alex what he thought but seeing as he was the unknowing source of my worry I could say anything.

\---

“My god. John, it's beautiful,” Alex gasped. He was talking about the orchard of trees full of orange and gold colors, red sprinkled in. we were standing on a crest in front of the old schoolhouse that he had spent 10 minutes obsessing over. The color was faded on the planks of wood making the walls and parts of it had broken but he still called it ‘magnificent.’

“It really is magical,” he joked

“Well this really wasn't the magic part,” I told him. I felt my anxiety hammer on as my fingers wrapped around the box in my pocket. This was what I had been preparing myself since we entered our second year together. I had forced Laf and Herc to go with me to get the ring but I could never find the right time. The right words. I wasn't like Alex he made words flow but what I said came out chopped up. But not this time. Not today. I knew my feelings. I knew what I was trying to get out, so why wasn't I saying.

“Then what is?”

I wanted to say something witty, open the box, propose but the words wouldn't come. I choked on it all and the only thing I got out was, “me getting to see you up here.” It was still smooth, still made his smile brighter but it wasn't what I wanted to say. I let it go and pushed the thought away. There were more chances I told myself and went with a curious Alex into the trees, hand in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so don't kill me. I cut this chapter in half so the rest is on the way...ye know...when I finish it. for now please enjoy this chapter.


	6. Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex throws away his shot

I knew something was wrong with him. He seemed jittery and nervous but it wasn't in the same way he was when he meets new people or when we were coming up here to see his family, his smiles were genuine and I dare say brighter but his hands shook and he often kept stuffing one in his right pocket. 

“What's got you so geared up,” I asked finally when we stopped to sit under a great tree. His head was on my lap those beautiful eyes I love staring up at me, I prayed he didn't feel the ring box in my jacket pocket.

“There is nothing wrong,” he responded with a sweet kiss on my wrist as it moved over him so I could my fingers through his hair. 

“I think we have established that you are a bad liar, Mr. Laurens”

“I'm just enjoying the day.” He rolled over to curl more around me. “Is that a crime?”

“I guess it's not.” I took a deep breath of the clean country air. It was amazing out here. All the colors and smells. The deer and rabbits we could see through the trees. It wasn't New York it wasn't the loud buzz and hums. It was quiet, I never liked the quiet before.

“Do you like it,” he asked peering up at me through thick eyelashes. 

“I do. It's so...great.” I was no longer focusing on the trees around us, just on John. In that moment it was just me and him, him and I. Against his family, against the world, for now, I reached into my pocket. Forever?

I clap of thunder broke my train of thought and cursed the very sky for ruining everything.

“Shit.” John jumped up laughing. I guess the rain finally caught up. The winds picked up whipping my open jacket around even after I zipped it up the assault continued. We raced up the hill our legs shaking coated in mud and drenched with the pounding rain. We threw ourselves into my car as all the storm grew, blocking out the sun.

“That was an adventure,” John grinned.

“Yeah,” I huffed cursing the storm. “Adventure.” I jammed my key into to the ignition and pulled out of the orchard and back on the road. 

It was dark when we got back the storm had died down and was more of a light drizzle. I held John's hand in mine with the other on the wheel while he gave me the rundown of all the people that had arrived while we were gone. His mother had texted him a list, a long list.

“-and grandmother Mary.”

“T-that was twenty-one people,” I stuttered out.

“I know. I know. It going to be fine. We got this.” He winked at me giving my hand a squeeze. He looked calmer than before his eyes were light and happy. That was my John. I leaned over for a quick second to kiss him on the cheek. 

“What was that for?”

“For being you.”

“Am I really that great that I deserve a kiss while you're driving?”

“You will always be that great.” He smiled back and pressed a kiss to my hand as we went down the gravel road to his parent's house. With another kiss, this one longer, deeper, we went inside. 

“Look at you,” John snorted. That's when I remembered the mud. I looked down at the damage and I too laughed. Both us had mud going up to about mid-thigh and splatters here and there. We looked ridiculous. 

“Looks like you need new shoes,” John commented. He pulled the boots he had been wearing off and set them aside.

“And hoodie,” I grumbled pulling at the sleeves. It was heavy and stuck to my skin. I couldn't take it off without also pulling off my shirt and I wasn't comfortable with doing that out in the open like this.

“No, I need a new hoodie. I doubt you got that from running a 5k.”

I rolled my eyes then moved to my shoes. These are my favorite sneakers I groaned picking at some of the drying mud. 

“More like only shoes.” He hung his jacket up on the coat hanger.

“Hey, I do not hold worldly items-”

“Laptop”

“My laptop and I have a spiritual bond.”

“I hate you so much, my dear Hamilton”

I smiled “the feeling is mutual my Laurens.” It wasn't till someone cleared their throat that we noticed the crowd of people in the room. 

“Fu-” he elbowed me in the ribs cutting off the rest of what I would have said in the face of this many of his family members.

“What happened to you two,” Eleanor questioned, hands on her hips. 

“Your son thought the storm wouldn't be a problem.” I focused on Eleanor hoping the familiarity would help.

“No, your son thought we would be back before it hit but the survival expert got lost.”

“I didn't get lost I knew where I was. I was in the woods.”

He laughed and had to slap and hand over his mouth to quiet it. “Just like a New Yorker.”

“You're one too.”

“So it seems.”

“If your done talking to...him there are family memes who want to see you john,” Henry told him with a glare at me. 

“Of course but before that, everyone this is Alex my-”

“Friend,” Henry finished. If Eleanor hadn't put a hand on my arm I would have clocked the asshole. 

“Henry I think you left something out in the introduction,” Eleanor told him with a stern look.

“I agree,” I spoke up. “I'm johns boyfriend.” 

Henry's face went red and a few of Johns family members didn't look to please. Anna’s face pinched up and one of her kids whispered, “fag.” I hated them.

“I'm going upstairs,” I told John and Eleanor. Without another word, I went off to shower. I stuffed my hands into my pockets to get the one thing that was making this trip worth it but it wasn't there. 

Fuck  
Fuck  
Fuck

I checked both small pockets then my pants pockets. I went back downstairs ignoring everyone and ran out to the car through the drizzle. I started digging through the driver seat going through papers and cups thousands of other things, scraping my had on the metal under the chair. I had it not too long ago. I just had it.

“Alex!” John yelled from the front porch. “What are you doing?”

I didn't find it. I pulled back my breathing rapid as my head filled. I had to lean my whole body on the car. I fought back tears. 

I can't believe I lost the damn thing. The storm I remember. I must have lost it at the grove. It had to still be out there. 

I felt a hand touch my back moving in soothing circles before I could do anything stupid. “Alex? Alex what's wrong.” 

“N-nothing,” I wiped my eyes. “Everything is fine.”

“You're crying.”

“It's okay. That's okay.” 

“What-”

“I love you john.” I cut him off, wrapping my arms around his waist. I tucked my head under his chin feeling small.

“I love you too,” he said back still confused. “Let's go back inside, okay? You're going to get sick out here like this.”

I nodded my head and let him lead me back in, away from the cold of the rain just to be back in the arms of his even colder relatives. I was ignored by all of them except for Eleanor.

“What happened,” she asked putting her hand on my cheek.

“Nothing. Everything is fine. I-i have to call Lafayette, okay. Okay,” I rambled. I went into the kitchen and dialed, my breathing still iffy my arms still weak.

“Mon Ami, how was the surprise date-”

“I lost it”

“Lost what?”

“You know what I lost. There was a storm and I dropped it and-and fuck. Fuck.”

“Calm down”

“No I had one damn job and I screwed that up Laf! What the actual fuck was I thinking if I can't handle one simple job then I can't-”

“I love you Alex so I'm going to cut you off here. You are an idiot. I told you, Herc told you, the sisters told you that he loves you, no? Ring or not that boy will marry you even if you are a wreck.”

“But-”

“Alex talk to him.”

“I-”

“I swear. I will drive up there and hit you, Hamilton,” Hercules yelled from far off. “Listen to the Frenchman.”

“Yes, yes listen to the Frenchman. I know best.”

“I can't stand you two.”

“We love you as well petit loin.”

“I don't know what to do,”I groaned. Help me!

“We can't help you do something that you have to do,” Hercules shot back. “This is your thing. We aren't the ones that want to marry John.”

“I wouldn't mind marrying John.”

“Be quiet laf, Herc and I said together. The Frenchman mumbled something under his breath.

“I need-”

“Alex for your own good I'm hanging up.”

“No don't you dare hang up on me Hercules!”

“Bye Alex,” click

I wanted to throw my phone but settled for an angry huff instead. I then tried to call angelica, Eliza, and Peggy. Not a single one picked up. I was alone.

I took a few deep breaths and rolled my shoulders back. I knew what I had to do. I went into the living room where the family was all talking and having fun. John was being passed around for someone new to talk to. I went up to our room, packing my laptop in its bag. I went back down. With one last look at the man I love I slipped out the front door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't forget about yall I've just been busy. hope you like it!


	7. I Thought You Were Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John notices Alex's absence

I smiled at every single relative. Answered every questioned. Listened to them. Talked to them. But the entire time I was thinking of Alex who I hadn't seen in hours. He had gone into the kitchen to call Laf after what seemed like a mental break down. 

“Hey, mama,” I pulled my mother aside while she went to fetch a relative a glass of water. “Have you seen Alex?”

“No,” she furrowed her brow. “Did something happen?”

“No, I just haven't seen him since he went into the kitchen.”

“I'm sure he's upstairs. Meeting this many people has to be nerve wrecking.”

“Yeah,” I smiled. “You're right.”

“You can go upstairs if you want. I'll tell them you went to bed.”

I kissed her on the cheek in thanks. “You're the best.”

I finally got away my heart soaring. I went up the stairs to see if he was in the room but he wasn't. He wasn't in the shower or in bed. I felt something drop in my stomach when I saw that his laptop wasn't there anymore. His bag and charger were gone with it. 

He left. 

I had to cover my mouth before a surprised sob could slip past. Three days till Christmas and he leaves me. 

There wasn't a note.

Or a text.

No phone calls.

Not even a goodbye.

I sat down on my bed, unsure of what to do. I took the box out of my pocket and opened it. A plain metal band sitting on a cloud of plush fabric, it was something Alex would wear. My Alex. 

He left me with so many questions the biggest one was what. What did I do that drove him off. I hugged my pillow closely to me and sobbed into it, the ring box clenched tightly in my hand. I couldn't let my family hear. They couldn't know that he had left like this. I didn't want to tell them because that meant that it was all real.

He left me with a hole straight through my heart one that I was filling with tears. It hurt worse than any hit I took from my father I took when I was younger. Worse than any pain I had felt in my life. 

I knew he was gone for good because his laptop was gone. It was the only thing he loved seeing as I didn't matter. 

But I still loved him. Even if he didn't want me anymore I couldn't change my heart. His smug grin burned into my mind. His laugh had filled my heart up. His sparkling eyes made my day so much brighter. I wasn't going to forget the way he argued hands up in defense. The way he kissed me, hands strong on my hips. Everything. I love everything about him. I always will.

I cried for so long that my head hurt and my throat ached. But I couldn't stop. No matter how hard I tried to stop, I just couldn't.

That ‘what’ question in my mind changed to ‘why.’ what made him go became why did he go.

Was it something I said I asked myself staring at my reflection on the silver ring. The clock read 3 A.M. it had been five hours since I came upstairs and noticed him gone. Five hours and still no call. No texts.

Soon the ‘whats’ and ‘hows’ warped into ‘how.’ 

How could he leave me alone like this? He promised he would be here, that he wouldn't leave me. I was willing to be his, forever. I wanted him to be mine. 

I love him so much.

“This isn't fair,” I told the ring before snapping the box shut. I had stopped crying due to lack of water. I had cried everything out. Everything besides the raw anger I still had trapped in me, the anger that wanted to punch something. I wanted to get some shot back at him but I would never do that him. 

I needed him, that was the truth. From the second we met in the mandatory history lecture hall I knew I was in love. He had me weak, completely band absolutely helpless. Till he opened his damn mouth and poured red bull into his coffee. I was still smitten but I realized I would have to be the responsible one. We traded numbers the next class. I remember his handwriting sloppy like a tired student yet still elegant in its own special way. I held a scrap of paper in my pocket all day because my phone was in my dorm room. I still had that paper in my wallet along with so many other notes he had given me. 

Doodles he would draw, little poems, outlines, cute little letters telling me that I was amazing. Oh, how I never believed it till I saw him write it, till I heard him say. A whisper against my jaw, my skin.

I would try to do the same, write like he did, but the words never were the same. They didn't build words like his did. His words overwhelmed me, brought me back to life after years of being torn down. He was everything I was missing, everything I needed. 

He gave me a reason to keep my grades up to keep my scholarship. I remember the study sessions in the library, just us. We drove off our roommates, Laf and Hercules. I would pretend to be an idiot just so he would sit close and explain what I needed to do. He taught me to string words together. He would ask if I understood when he was done explaining. I would nod my head but I had been watching his lips move the whole time. He would hand me back my pencil at the end of each mini-lesson. Back then I thought I was imagining his hand sowing on mine when he pulled away. I later found out he did it on purpose.

My heart still flutters when he touches my skin, just like he did when we were three years younger. Just the presence of him was enough to make my knees weak. when he first kissed me I thought I was going to pass out. It was nothing like how they described it in the movies and books. There were no fireworks, just the taste of coffee and the feeling of his strong hand on my back. That made it so much better than the books and movies because it was him. He was so perfect even his kisses made me melt into nothing.

What I wouldn't give to have him kiss me right now. To taste coffee and feel tingly, melted, whole.

One year into our relationship I dragged Lafayette and Hercules out with me to help me get a ring. They didn't question me because they knew very well how in love we are...were

It hurt the most because I thought he was mine.

God, I hope he is still mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I made myself cry to try to see if I could get you guys to cry so we all will suffer.


	8. I Am Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex shares a little insight

It took a half hour to scrape all the mud off my hands in a bar bathroom. The stuff had gathered on every part of my body from being out in the rain for three hours. Thankfully I had a change of clothes in my trunk in case I spent the night in the dorms studying with Laf. 

It didn't matter. I didn't care about the rain, or mud, or how sore I was. I did what I had to. I found the ring. I found it lodged in the mud against a rock. It was scrapped, ruined and destroyed but the ring was safe. Silver with small green stones along the band. It was a two piece ring so it spun on the bottom part. It was meant for anxiety. 

I had cleaned the black box first before I changed or even cleaned myself. It was all worth it because now I could ask him, he was going to be mine I just knew it. My heart was overcome with joy as I held the box tightly. I was going to ask him this time. I was going to do it. 

The three sisters were all too glad to help me choose the ring a year and a half into my relationship with John. It wasn't cheap for a college student but it was worth it. So very worth it to see his face when I got back. I had been planning on proposing to him. It had been what I fantasize at night to help me sleep. What I thought of when I woke up to him in my arms or my head resting on him.

I would call john right now to tell him I was on my way home to tell him I love him if it wasn't for the fact that the price for finding the ring was losing my phone to a river of what that had built up around the slippery slopes. I had to fight the way through the freezing rain to get back to my car, my hand gripped the box the entire time. No way in hell i was losing it again. No way in hell was I throwing away my shot at true happiness.

I held the box in my hands while I sat at the bar once I was done in the restroom. I was ready to sell my laptop at a pawn shop up the road to buy a replacement in case I couldn't find it. I would have given anything to buy a replacement. He was my true love. God, he was my only love.

The day I sat down in the history lecture hall I was fucked. I had been up the entire night before writing an article for a newspaper to earn a little extra money. I mistook John for Lafayette because they both had ponytails. I asked him if it was a bad idea to mix coffee and red bull. I don't remember what happened after that but I woke up with the memory of a halo of light and a boy with the constellations mapped out on his tan cheeks. His eyes outshone the moon in so many ways. The pure curiosity and childlike youth in that deep chocolate color me crave more. I had to have more of him. I had to make sure he was more than just a dream that you wake up in sweat from not because it was a nightmare in itself but because it was so perfect you had to remind yourself it was all fake. 

The next class I dragged Laf over to sit next to him and his roommate. I gave him my number after class. I was so nervous that I had to remind myself how to spell my name. The handwriting was wrong and wonky, it was not how I wrote but it became that way. John asked me to help him with school work after the next few classes of sitting next to him, talking to him, learning everything I could about him from his southern words to his anxious twitches. I helped him study, who was I to deny such a beautiful man. My heart was pounding during every meeting and I adopted that wonky, odd handwriting as my own because it reminded me of my John Laurens. 

I would draw pictures of flowers on the corner of his pages when he fell asleep in that writing. I would leave him notes in his books, outlines of the lessons he missed with odd curved letters. The last secret note I left him was one asking him to meet me at a nature trail park by the school. By some miracle, he showed up. We walked all evening in the nice fall weather our bodies close but not touching. I needed to have some contact. I had been lingering my hand on his by accident all semester by that point. My stupid body, my stupid heart had its own ideas for my life. Thank god I had no say in who my heart chose because I would have picked the wrong person. My John was the right person.

I took a sip of my drink still trying to steady myself. I wanted to go back this moment but I still needed a second to think of what I was going to say. Three years ago I was tongue-tied at every turn. I always had to think carefully about what I said and this was no different. For once in my life, i had nothing to say. No ideas or thoughts that would be enough to make this everything john deserved. 

Was he what I deserved I thought staring into my drink. I slid the box into my pocket, my pants pocket this time. When we were younger I stayed up all night texting him while I wrote. Those were some of my best works, the words were messy and mixed with my old writing, my old self. It was just like how John made me feel. I still have those essays, they are in a folder in my lock box of documents because he is that important.

He deserves so much better, it felt wrong that I was going to try to steal him from the rest of the world like this. But I was selfish when it comes to my Lauren's how can I not be? 

God, i love him. 

I sighed into my drink. It had been a long night of nervous breakdowns and digging through mud. I was weak, I was awake, god you would never find a bastard orphan in more need of a break then the mud covered one in this dusty country bar.

“Something wrong there,” women asked her voice soft yet had a type of edge that made you turn your head and listen. I looked up to meet her eyes just to see who owned a voice like that.

She was quite stunning. A red dress stuck to her skin, hugging her curves in every way possible. Curly brown hair fell down her shoulders, it was styled and cut in a way that framed her face just right.

She smiled her lipstick making her teeth seem bright. “You seem a little off.”

“I'm just thinking.”

“Is that so. Maybe you shouldn't think so much, gettin’ caught up in your head never works out. She took the seat next to mine, crossing her legs with a show. “What's your name?”

“Hamilton. Alexander Hamilton. Nice to make your acquaintance.”

“You're too kind sir,” she purred her words rolling off her tongue. She sat on the edge of her seat, our bodies close. “You can call me Maria Reynolds.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!!!READ THIS MESSAGE!!!!!!
> 
> if you notice John's thought chapter is emotion and short descriptions but Alex uses longer describing sentences.
> 
> so I just couldn't wait to release this I stayed up to finish and edit this so be thankful!!!!!


	9. You Can't Say No To This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Almost the end Kiddos. one chapter left, so if you guys want I will make more in this Au. leave me a comment telling me what you want to see.

I observed her I had questions, so many questions. “That's a nice name,” I settled for watching her order a drink. “So what would you be doing here in a dress, during a storm?” She was out of place here that was obvious to everyone so I just thought I would ask the question.

“Do you mean why I'm all dressed up with nowhere to go?”

“That's is.”

“My husband left me here. I needed a quick drink thought maybe a little conversation could lift my spirits before the walk home.”

“Has it?” I asked as she lifted the whiskey glass to her lips.

“Well, she pursed her lips and gave me a look inching closer. “You're not bad company so I would say so.”

I took a quick second to think. I couldn't let her walk home in heels, in the cold. “Do you need a ride?” She gave me a puzzled look. “I have a car. I was about to head out. I can give you a ride home-”

"Thank you," she cried wrapping her arms around my neck. She had changed personalities so fast my head spun. “I knew I had a good feeling about you. I didn't want to walk out there, do you know what happens to lone girls in this town?”

I smiled, “no need for that. I can take you.”

“Thank you, thank you so much.”

“It's no problem.” I paid for my drink and led her out to my car. She didn't seem to mind the mud on the seats or the mess from my frantic digging earlier that night.

“Can I ask something? She questioned a few minutes after the start of our drive.

“Huh,” I answered only half there the other half was dreaming of John.

“Why were you in the bar with a wedding ring?”

“Oh. That. I am planning to ask my boyfriend to marry me but...it's a long story.”

“I think we have time. You seem upset about it. Aren't you supposed to be happy?”

“Yeah, but I might have messed up. I lost it I admitted. I lost my cool and the ring but it's better now I got it all back.” I wasn't sure if I was trying to tell her those facts or convince myself that it was true.

“Do you know what you're going to say?”

“No. Not really I am hoping it will come to me on the spot.”

Maybe you should plan it a little have an idea of what you want to say. You don't want to slip up, she smiled softly out the window. I thought what she was saying. I will be upfront yet thought out. I've spent too long being afraid. It's time for me to just go for it. 

“Sounds like the start of a plan.”

I attempted to think of what I wanted to say but truth was that I could fill whole books of my curved, winky handwriting and still never fully show just how much John Laurens means to me.

“Whatever you do Alex, she said pulling me out of my own head, don't force them. That's what happened to me.” She held up her wrist. Bruises, dark purple ones falling down her skin. “Whatever you do, don't end up like my husband. You seem nice I would hate to see another James Reynolds in this world.”

“He did that,” I gaped trying to look at her and the road at the same time.

“Every single bruise and scar I hide has been from his hands.” 

“Why would he do that?”

“I don't know what drives him to do it all I know is that he does. This turn, to the left she instructed to get to a small home. He's not home yet,” she sighed with relief.

“Do you want me to call the police?” I asked as she opened the door. She stopped her eyes were a brave dark brown. It reminded me just how bad it can get, how fear and change can drive a person but her eyes weren't wild like that just brave, steady.

“It's not an issue,” she told me. “I have my own plans.”

“It doesn't involve murder does it?”

“No, no matter how much he deserves it. Thank you again. I will always remember this.” She danced up to the front door. I left the house and got back on the road to where my love was. 

\---

I crept into the house at early dawn the sun was just coming out the storm long gone. No one was awake yet that gave me the chance to sneak into mine and John's room. 

He was lying, curled up on a pillow, his breathing was uneven and shaky but he was asleep. I had to take a second to admire just how fucking beautiful my boyfriend is. His side rose slowly he was pulled up inside one of my hoodies like it was a turtle shell. 

I set my bag down on the ground my eyes still on him. I got changed into some type of night clothes, I didn't stop to see what they looked like. I crouched down beside him once I was sure I was ready. Placing a kiss on his forehead I ran my fingers through his hair. Soft and calming. His eyes open slowly me.

Alex? he asked softly in a raspy voice, it was the type he had after he cried. He stared at me like he was processing if I was real or not. He jumped up into a sitting position so suddenly I fell back in fear. I braced myself with my arms so I didn't land flat on my back.

“Where the hell were you? He jumped right into an anger I didn't understand. “You said you wouldn't leave me here. You promised. I thought you left for good.” oh shit. That's right. I didn't tell him. Fuck I was sleeping on the couch for sure. “I thought you had had enough. I thought-”

“I went to get something that I lost,”I told him quickly. “John I would never leave you ever.”

“What was so important that you had to leave like just!”

“This.” I stood my heartbeat rapid. “John Laurens you are the most amazing person I have ever met and I mean it. I- we- look you even have me unable to speak.” I laughed at my own awkwardness as he sat frozen. “John, I can't survive without you. I spent all night trying to find this after I lost it. I've been trying to find the right words to say this but I've got nothing because you've stolen it all, my words, my sense, my heart. Will you, my dear Laurens, marry me.” I held out the little black box.

“No…” My heart dropped with a sudden change that I thought it had stopped completely. So this is what it felt like when your heart breaks, an ache deep that surged through me just as fast as his words. Tears threatened to fall then I heard. “...You have to marry me.”

“Wait. What.”

“I won't marry you, you have to marry me.” He pulled a ring box from under his pillow and opened it to show a plain silver band.

“No fair,” I asked first.

“I had the box open first,” he pointed out with a tone of voice a toddler would have when fighting over the rules of a game they made.

In an effort to win that made up game I dropped down to one knee this made us even in height I looked him right in the eyes with a smug smirk. “Ha well I'm on one knee first and I had a speech and I asked first. 3 to 1 I win. You have to marry me.”

“Why can't you marry me,” he whined 

“What can't you just marry me!”

“You are unbearable, his lips cracked and he smiled. He leaned forward to place a kiss on my nose. “Just marry me!”

I laughed, “no I asked first. Come on Laurens. Don't be a wimp. Just marry me.”

“Over my dead body.”

“What do you not like my last name?”

“No, i don't. In fact, I think you should change it to my last name. We will match that way.”

“No way. My name is iconic.”

“To who!” He giggled nuzzling into the crook of my neck. His hot breath on my skin almost made my next words die before they came out but pure spite brought them forward.

“To my fans.”

“Do you mean the one newspaper that loves you,” he teased.

“Low blow,” I told him kissing his jawline then shoulder. “Low blow.”

“How about this.” he moved to kiss my collarbone I felt him have to resist leaving a mark, “You marry me and I'll marry you.”

Hm, I pulled him closer and got onto the bed with him. I sank down over him connecting my lips with every inch of skin that was exposed at the moment. My hand snaked up the hoodie which he pushed up into looking for more contact. “That does seem like a good middle ground,” I noted.

“We will add our last names,” he breathed out as I pulled up and off the damn constricting hoodie. “It would mak-make us even.”

“Fine, I rumbled deep in my chest as I watched him squirm. “mine goes first.”

He sighed dramatically. “If that is the price I must pay, dear Hamilton, then I shall let it go.” I moved up and rested his forehead on mine. My eyes capturing his just before he locked our lips. It was deep and slow as I shifted my weight to pin down his hips.

“You won't regret it my Laurens,” I told him after a few breathy moments.

He smiled up at me trying to catch his breath. “I know dear Hamilton, I won't ever regret you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YO YO YO if you guys want I will make more in this Au leave me a comment telling me what you want to see. This is the second to last chapter if you noticed that there will only be 10.


	10. Can We Go Home?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Alex tell the family

I would think that the morning after the storm my nerves would be whipping around like leaves on a small tree but I was actually calm. Alex and I had agreed to announce our engagement on Christmas to truly make it a joyous occasion, that and Alex was bent on seeing aunt anna cry. I kept my ring on my pocket so I could fidget with it when I got too anxious, interesting enough I only had to do it once and that was because Jr and Alex were attempting to mix red bull and coffee, again.

“Old habits die hard,” Alex had laughed before chugging a bottle of the heart stopper liquids. Both of them were throwing up in a matter of minutes. I told myself I wasn't going to baby him after but I did. I ended up with him snuggled up against me, complaining about his stomach ache while reading a book on his tablet I stole.

As the morning of Christmas dawned Alex and I couldn't sleep. It was almost like being a kid again, in a way. Heavy eyelids and a ball of energy in your stomach bouncing around at rapid speeds. There was one difference. On Christmas morning you did usually don't have a fear of being disowned.

“I'm not scared,” I told my fiance when he kissed my cheek, his arms wrapped around me. We had been wrapped up in each other warmth for hours. I will admit that my stomach did a flip when I heard the children waking up and running around.

“Who said you were. I'm doing it for my own fear.” His kissed me again and intertwined our hands.

“Are you ready for this,” I whispered pushing my forehead against his. I closed my eyes. “To go nationwide with our news?”

“Of course I am, Mr. Laurens. Why wouldn't I be?” I felt the vibrations as he spoke. I let the soothe me.

“I just wanted to check that you weren't having second thoughts.”

“Are you joking you are so out of my league that second thoughts and nonexistent in my brain. It should be me that's worried.”

“Don't be. I could never find a replacement that has your spirit.” I opened my eyes so I could see his face. Perfect, dark eyes. They pulled me in like always.

“That's comforting,” he chuckled. “My, my is it already seven.” he sighed as he checked his phone. “We should head down there.”

I smiled and gave a nod. After a quick kiss and slipped his ring onto his finger from the bedside table. He did the same to me. We shared one last kiss of support and we went down to face our new life together.

The kids had gathered already, shaking gifts with large smiles aunt Anna was already there and so was many other relatives of mine. Nobody noticed us come in but Jr. 

“Ay, there's the two kiddos. Alex, John. want to give us all an explanation.” He motioned to my left hand.

“Explanation for what,” My mother smiled. She gasped covering her mouth with her hand. “My johnny. When! Oh, it's beautiful Alex!”

Alex was a little red and so was i. “Can we at least make the announcement,” I asked sheepishly.

“Yes! Yes! Everyone before we open gifts please give Alex and John your attention.” She stood at our side smiling brightly.

I cleared my throat My father's eyes were piercing mine as I did. “Everyone.” I stopped as they all turned to us, I only saw judgment. Not a single look of support. “Alex and I are getting married. We proposed a few nights ago but waited to-”

“Ruin Christmas with your sinful behavior,” Anna snapped. She pulled her youngest child back to her as he started to wander away.

“It is disgusting," my grandmother gasped. Murmurs and yelling begun filling the room but it all stopped when my father stood. I had one thought in my mind, that he had changed his, that he accepted me but fuck that thought.

“I never thought you would marry him, John. I thought this would all be a phase. That you would get over. I guess maybe if I hit you hard enough when you were younger you wouldn't be a cock-sucker.”

“Now hold the fuck up,” I shouted. Alex looked at me, stunned I didn't blame him. All my anger, all my feelings that I had bottled up for years came rushing up.

“I don't need you,”I yelled. “I did this to let all of you into my life. So you knew. But I don't need any of your love. I have a family. It consists of a Frenchman, A tailor, three sisters that can bake, bail you out jail and make anything look good. I also have a man that can't figure out what he's doing and a woman that loves him and their sweet baby daughter. It's not a big family but fucks it, it's mine. And there's also the best man alive who has agreed to love me forever. Instead of being caught up in your 1940 ways maybe you should wake up a realize the only disgusting people are you.”

When I stopped my chest was heaving for air but I stood there. Face to face with my father my chest puffed out and my eyes meeting his. Something I had never been able to do.

“Get. Out,” my father spat. I was already going to get my things before he said the second word. Alex was right behind me. We didn't speak aging till we were in the car and it was me breaking down in tears.

“I'm sorry,” I balled. I curled in on myself my hands covering my eyes. All my feeling shriveled backup as the realization of what I had just done set in.

“Don't you say that, “he told me. He pulled me to him kissing my forehead and cheeks. “Don't you dare say that. They were the horrible ones, not you. They don't deserve you. Okay? Do you hear me? They don't deserve any piece that is John Laurens.”

I sniffled taking a deep breath. “Alex?”

“Yes my John?”

“Can we go home?” He kisses my forehead one last time and slipped into the driver's seat. “Your wish is my command dear Laurens.”

I smiled. “I love Mr. Hamilton.”

“I love you too, Mr. Laurens.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is it! last chapter! I am for sure going to start a series so be looking for that by the end of today! Hope you liked my story!


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